Zombies

Zombie Movie Review
by Rick

Ok so I have Netflix and have decided that ill use it to provide a comprehensive library of reviews for every zombie movie ever made. Ok, maybe this is an impossible task, but weren't we told as kids that anything is possible if we put our mind to it? Here are the rules to the reviews. Movies will be rated as either "Skip It", "See It", or "Classic". Here is review #1:

Dead Snow

This first film reviewed is brought to us by the Norwegians and premeired at Sundance this year. Click the link above for more info. So here's the deal, when I heard Nazi Zombies I was extremely excited. I went to my friend Collin's, where he bought the movie OnDemand. The movie began to develop slowly, which is ok at times. Here is the problem tho, if your gonna try and make a serious zombie movie(and it can be done ei. 28 Days Later or Dawn of the Dead) you need good writing and a believable backstory. Viruses are the best way to cause zombies to really exisit. How does Dead Snow attempt to provide a backstory? They have a random guy who is out in the zombie mountains come out and provide they entire history of the area, how a group of Nazis occupied the area and how they were greedy and brutally killed people, blah blah blah. Then the man disappears and is killed instantly. The group of vacationing college kids go on enjoying there weekend until the zombies start eating them... oh ya you dont actually see a Nazi Zombie till more than halfway through. The only redeeming part of this movie is the final scenes, where the Nazi Zombies come out. There are hints at campy zombie comedy during these intesnely gorey scenes, but it doesnt make up for the terrible script writing and awful acting. Its in Norwegian anyways, so the sentances seem a little odd due to translation, but I would gather it was still written poorly. The ending is just as absurd.

SPOILER ALERT
The zombies stop when they are given gold. I forgot to mention that the kids found treasure in the cabin they were stayin in. So the final member left alive decides to give them the gold, which stops an entire army of blood thirsty zombies. They are greedy Nazi Zombies tho, and when the final survivor goes back to the car that was made clear they couldnt find earlier, he realizes that he pocketed a piece and realizes the zombie army is gonna eat him up.
SPOILER ALERT

The other major thing wrong with this movie is the actual zombies. There are two types of zombies, fast or slow zombies. Alot of people prefer the meandering slow zombies, the ones created by Mr. Romero. I actually like both types when done right. I feel like fast zombies are scarier. The one common denomenator to both though is lack of intellegence. Zombies cannot be intellegent. These Nazi Zombies are intellegent, and clearly motivated by things more than just flesh. This makes the unbelievable even more unbelievable.

So what does Rick say about Dead Snow? "Skip It". Little to no redeeming qualities in this one.


Next review... Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane.

Hot Bitch of the Day

Hayden PanettiereHayden is the star of NBC's Heroes, which is a pretty good show. She will be appearing in the upcoming comedy "I Love You Beth Cooper". The movie could be funny, I'll keep an open mind. One thing I do know is that Hayden will be super fine in it no matter what. Hayden Panettierre, you are the Hot Bitch of the Day!




P.S. I was watching The Mist the entire time writing this and the box said one of the most shocking movie endings ever... they lived up to the hype. If you get a chance watch it.