Okay, so Hi, I’m Dave. A lot of people confuse me with David the gnome. But I’m not a gnome, I’m a person. I will be offering my thoughts intermittently as a guest on this blog.
I’ve been very conflicted as of late. I feel like the mother who knows her daughter is just plain ugly as shit and doesn’t know if its time for the girl to come to terms with it or let her enjoy the bliss of ignorance. So to get me through it I’ve thought of some situations I would not want to be in.
1 – Challenged to an arm wrestling match by a parapalegic and we’re not talking from the waist down. I’m either going to look like a total dueche, be jokingly made fun of for losing, or even worse have lost an arm wrestling match to someone that can’t move their arms. Don’t attack me for this one I’m thinking of it in a sympathetic way for both me and my opponent. I want to let him/her win I really do. But what if that offends them?
2 – I suppose being walked in on by a nun would be pretty awkward. I don’t foresee how this situation could ever take place, but I guess it would give a new meaning to resurrection.
3 – Being given two options and I have to choose one. Option 1, I have to kill a snake but before I go to bed each night I have to look at a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker for ten minutes. Option 2, I have to kill the Easter Bunny with my bare hands while dancing the tango but I will receive not only a lifetime supply Cadbury Crème Eggs but Jessica Rabbit will also become my maid. How could I kill the Easter Bunny and deprive children of certain religious affiliations world wide a day of candy and egg painting? Also, I think the crème eggs would get old after about 27 days, and I doubt Jessica Rabbit would be a useful maid. Honestly though, I find something about Sarah Jessica Parker to be so annoying that after a week of looking at her for ten minutes a night my blood pressure would probably rise so high that my head would pop off or my dick would stop working. Not a good scenario either way.
-Dave
1 comment:
that was really stupid
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